Javi - University of Redlands

Under our old, scratched, faded table I felt safe. There, I would draw pictures of my family with me smiling in the center between my Mom and Dad. Under our table, I felt a magical sense of comfort. I had no worries or fears. My only hope was to have a family that looked liked the pictures I drew. In my sanctuary, I was immune to the screams of my mother and father. Then, one night, everything changed. As I sat under the table, my mother fell into view bleeding from the back of her head. My father stood above her. Later, he would stand in this same way as he told the doctor she had slipped accidentally. As I watched my mother suffer, I knew the magic of the table was gone.

Without the table, I tried to make sense of my life, but I would always end up feeling hopeless. At school, I argued with my teachers and classmates. I was convinced no one would understand me. I hated the world. I tried to do my homework, but conditions at home made it nearly impossible to stay focused. Though we were able to flee my father, life in a single parent household continued to be a challenge. Watching my four siblings struggle in school, and then go straight to low paying work after graduating, I realized a college education was the only way out. A college diploma would enable me to end my mother’s endless days of back breaking work, of washing toilets and scrubbing floors.

Today, I strive to break the stereotypes assigned to low income, first generation, Mexican-American men. I am always one of the very few people of color in my AP and honors classes. When it is suggested that AP classes are too difficult and junior college is my only option, I push harder, knowing my Latino voice has value in a college environment. This commitment to academic success has earned me admission to competitive college access programs such as Next Generation Scholars and the Marin Education Fund’s Summer Application Institute.

Working with these programs, I have improved my grades and SAT scores dramatically. Today, I love being in rich class discussions and writing papers on topics like postcolonial theory. My teachers have now become my greatest allies in my fight to be the first in my family to go to college.

It has been years since I last saw my father. Today, if I were to cross paths with him I would hold my head high and thank him for the pain he left behind. That pain has driven me to create a rich future for myself. I am proud to have survived and earned the opportunity to create a happy, healthy home life of my own. I know a college education will enable me to live a life full of possibilities. My future is bright and one day I will give my own children the wonderful childhood I once drew but never had a chance to live.